Do you still have your period?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
