i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
