3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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