it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
