you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
