I accidentally had phone sex last night
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
