She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
