he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's get the cat blown out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
