White coat. Heels.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
