I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
how drunk are you?
Several
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
