Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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