I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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