She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
