worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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