Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
