Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
