babies were throwing up all over the place
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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