remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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