she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
