so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
