There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
