My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
