you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
