make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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