Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I AM VODKA MAN
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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