Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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