i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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