So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
