I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
