Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
