I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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