Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
