Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
