i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
