if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
