I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
