Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize