I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
