oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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