Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
