3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
