Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
