Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
