It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
