seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
