these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize