so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
