I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
