I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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