Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
