is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
