I'm really into asian looking animals
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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