Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
