Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
