i think my tv is drunk
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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