Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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