singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
