I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize