literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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