Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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