I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
