The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
