How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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