at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
