I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
