oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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