it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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