The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
